About two years ago I walked into a complementary health clinic in South Brisbane – not to get complementary health treatment, but to inform them that the word “Acupuncture” on their sign was misspelt.

This wasn’t some insignificant, handwritten sign, but a large, prominent, professionally designed one. “Remedial massage” was spelt correctly (as was “Therapeutic massage”, the acupuncturist’s additional specialisation). “Visceral manipulation” was spelt correctly. Even “Craniosacral therapy” was spelt correctly. So, what was the story with “Acupunture”?

Could it be that the acupuncturist didn’t know how to spell the name of his own area of expertise, so had never corrected the error? A profoundly depressing thought. Imagine: someone shows up for an appointment, sees the typo and thinks: “But wait a minute. If the acupuncturist doesn’t even know how to spell ‘acupuncturist’, how can I be sure they’ll know where to put the needles? Hmm, maybe I should try craniosacral therapy instead.”

I’m not suggesting that there’s any inherent connection between being an acupuncturist and not knowing how to spell, but an absent “c” can’t help but reflect badly on the profession.

A more likely scenario is that the acupuncturist did know how to spell the name of his own area of expertise, but hadn’t noticed the typo, which would call into question his attention to detail. An acupuncturist who overlooks such an error might be an acupuncturist who says, “I’m just going to insert this needle along your lung meridian”, while absent-mindedly inserting it along your spleen meridian, and carrying on as if nothing’s amiss.

A third and perhaps even more unsettling possibility is that the acupuncturist knew how to spell the word, had noticed the typo, but simply didn’t care. As far as spelling is concerned, such a near-enough-is-good-enough attitude can’t do any serious harm, but when it comes to treatment, a similar approach (“I’ll just stick this needle in the general vicinity of the acupuncture point and hope for the best”) is slightly worrying.

Whatever the reasons, I couldn’t now simply walk past the sign, pretend I hadn’t noticed the error, and just carry on with my life.

So, after googling “acupunture” to eliminate the possibility that it was an actual form of complementary medicine I’d never heard of, I entered the clinic. I walked in as if I were just a regular patient with no particular interest in spelling, all the while preparing for an intervention. (“Hold on a minute now. I’m not here to get acupuncture. I’m here on behalf of the word ‘acupuncture’.”)

As to what his reaction might be, that was anyone’s guess. Shock? Disbelief? Resentment? Maybe even denial? But, if all went well, ultimately humble gratitude, along with a commitment to rectifying the sign without delay.

As it turned out, the only person in the clinic at that time was the remedial massage specialist, who informed me that the acupuncturist had finished for the day. Would I like to make an appointment? I said I’d prefer not to, and that I’d really come to talk about the missing “c” on the sign outside.

She had no idea what I was on about. I drew her attention to the typo. She said, “I’ve never noticed that.”

“And neither, it seems, has the acupuncturist,” I rejoined.

She replied that, although she couldn’t speak for the acupuncturist, this did appear to be the case. But she also pointed out that the sign was due to be replaced very soon, anyway, and at such time they would reinstate the missing “c”.

Two years have gone by and the original sign remains, as does the typo.

I’ve got half a mind to correct it myself while we wait for the new sign to arrive. I just need to lay my hands on a “c”. I’m sure there are plenty around, at a loose end, more than happy to step in and do the job. In fact, just the other day I passed a shop with a sign outside, “Vaccuum Cleaner Repairs”.

I’ll have a word with them. Maybe we can make a deal.

David Cohen is a Brisbane writer and author of four books of fiction, his most recent being The Terrible Event: Stories (Transit Lounge, 2023). He can be a bit pedantic.

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